Surely, you must be joking...

 

Monday, September 23, 2013

 

Let me start off with a disclaimer: if this email comes off as angry or ungrateful, I apologize in advance. It is not intended that way. I merely wish to let you know of some things that happened this week that, while they might not seem that important in your eyes, impacted me a great deal.

 

So as you may or may not know, transfer calls were Saturday the 14th; and they are usually made to this area around 10:30-11:00AM. However, on Saturday, we waited and waited; but the calls never came. So around 1:00PM we texted the Zone Leaders and asked them if we were still getting transfer calls that day. A few minutes later they called us and said that we were both staying... and that was it. So Elder Eisele and I were really excited and began to solidify our goals and plans for the upcoming transfer with the notion that we would be working in Bear Valley and in Golden Hills.

 

However, on Tuesday (the day of transfer meeting) Elder Flores (our district leader) texted me and told me that there were now Sisters in Bear Valley and that my area was split. I regret to say that I did not believe him.  We like to joke around a bit and I thought he was just trying to "punk" me. Also the fact that the Zone Leaders mentioned nothing when they called on Saturday, only solidified my belief that it wasn't true, and that I still covered both wards. But when he kept insisting and I kept denying it, we finally agreed to call the assistants and get to the bottom of if. Elder Scott plainly said that yes, Sisters were in Bear Valley and that the Zone Leaders should have told me when they called on Saturday.

 

I was devastated to say the least. Not so much that I had lost Bear Valley (because it would have been no different than if I was transferred out of the area) but that I was not told in advance that I was losing a whole ward of people that I love. Again I regret to say that my devastation quickly turned to anger towards the Zone Leaders, and their apparent lack of candor in this matter. I was of the mind-set that they were incompetent, ineffective leaders and my faith was very shaken regarding the Elder-leadership of this mission. Because if something as important as an area split "slipped their minds," how could I put my trust in them? Here I was with a plan for two wards and twice the teaching pool and all of a sudden everything is cut into half. I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me and then knocked upside the head. I was so disoriented. So for a few days after that I was very belligerent, confused and spiteful: the spirit was gone from the work. I was unable to get myself out of the hole of wrath that I had dug myself into, and my drive to do anything worthwhile was utterly spent.

 

Then I read in Isaiah 40:28-31 which says, "Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

 

I was very bluntly told by God that it doesn't matter what happens to you, and that young men (Elders maybe?) will fail. But if I always put my trust in the Lord and serve him only, then I will have the strength to do all things. This really snapped me out of my stupor of thought and reminded me to keep things in the eternal perspective. So I picked myself up, dusted off my shirt, and got back to work. It'll take a little time to fully heal, but just as was talked about in the East Bakersfield Stake conference, through the Atonement all wounds (physical or spiritual) can be healed, and when we serve others we can be as the hymn says, "I had myself a wound concealed, But from that hour forgot the smart, And peace bound up my broken heart."

 

Then for icing on the cake, Golden Hills had their primary program yesterday and let me just say, that only in the temple have I felt a stronger spirit. The Holy Ghost testified to me that God loves me, and that He wants me to serve him to the end so that in the last day, when I'm able to kneel at his feet He can say, "well done my good and faithful servant." I love this work, and I know that I have had a rough couple of weeks.. But I know there is much work to be done and that every able-bodied young man is needed to further the work of salvation. So in closing, I just want to say that I'm okay now.  I've moved on from these trials, and I have my eye fixed upon the glory of God.

 

I hope that I have not discouraged anyone out there, but I just wanted you all to know what's been going on and that all's well now. The Gospel is still true and this is the restored Church that Christ is the head of. The Atonement is real and forgiveness is an amazing attribute that we should all strive to develop.

 

I love you all and pray that you have a most excellent week.

Elder Cox

 

 

Elder Cox getting a much needed haircut!